Wish You Were Here: Passion Notes

by:   |   Mar 7 2014

Passion Notes

For this installment of “Wish You Were Here,” we’re taking a look at an ad for “Passion Notes,” from yet another back page of a druggie mag from the 70s. First off, let me write out the caption on the ad for you, because it’s hard to read. I’ll be honest—it’s also a lot to take in:

“‘Passion Notes’ is a brand new concept in adult social greeting cards. They serve as a warm and honest approach to communicating your inner-most sexual feelings. As a sender of ‘Passion Notes’ you are surely guaranteed a very sensual response from your lover. There are six different feelings in every package of ‘Passion Notes’. Each feeling leads with a sexy adult come-on on the outside and a clever but penetrating response inside. ‘Passion Notes’ is designed in chocolate brown supergraphic stripes printed on textured avocado stationary. The matching envelopes, with accent corner stripes, serve as a signal to your lover that this is a message of passion. Take a positive step towards deeper communication between you and your lover. Send for your ‘Passion Notes’ immediately!”

So just to be clear, these passion notes are note cards targeted towards men, to help them express their innermost sexual feelings to women. I actually had to read it twice, because I confused about what-in-the-actual-fuck was going on here.

Let’s start off with the alarming photo; fucking hell, that is a bushy vagina. I mean, there are no judgments here: grow it out ladies. Do your thing. What’s more troubling is the giant dollop of whipped cream. I’m all for some food play, but heaping that much Reddi Whip on top of a pubic afro of that size might be a bit problematic, sexy-times-wise. Aside from the photo, call me a color snob, but chocolate brown and avocado stationary doesn’t make my pussy wet. (I might go so far as to say it’s the opposite of sexy.) And I’m not sure what the “accent corner stripes” look like in person, but I’m almost certain they don’t scream, “this is a message of PASSION.”

As much as I think these notes are an odd, cheesy way to express your feelings to a woman—maybe try being honest and using your big boy words?—I would love to see the rest of the photos in this note set (as well as the promised “sexy adult come-ons” and “clever but penetrating responses”). I’m assuming there’s some close-up lips, or maybe a nipple with some wax being dripped on it? If anybody wants to comb eBay and send them to me as an early birthday present, I assure you that I’ll frame them, hang them in a place of honor, and let their freaky awkwardness bless my home.

Want to feast your eyes on some other insanely weird products of yesteryear? Then check out our other “Wish You Were Here” posts right this way.

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Creative Director of G.A.L.

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