Hot Foxes of Yesteryear: Susan Sarandon

by:   |   Aug 11 2014

Today’s Hot Foxes was written by a special guest, the fantastic Kelly McClure. And she’s bringing you a doozy: a tribute Susan Sarandon, a redhead sex bomb for the ages. Are you ready for this sensuality?

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There are certain celebrities who you never think about (I’d tell you who, but I can’t remember their names), certain celebrities you think about every day (Beyoncé, duh) and then there are the rare breed of celebs who you rarely think about, but then when you do you’re like “Oh yeah! I’m actually madly in love with this person! How could I forget!”One such celebrity for me is Susan Sarandon.

Try to remember the last thing you thought about Susan Sarandon. Was it “I bet her pubes are similar to brown sugar?” No? Huh. Okay, well maybe it was something about how she just announced that she’ll be the guest Editor in Chief for the mid-August issue of Time Out New York? That’s what did it for me. I went from living a life of walking around, barely ever thinking about Susan Sarandon, but thinking of her very favorably when I did, to reading that bit of news and then thinking about her a lot. I’m about ready to make all of you think about her a lot as well. Here we go. It’s happening. It’s. Happening. Right. Now.

SUSAN SARANDON!

FACTS!

–    Her name could very easily be changed to Susan Saran Wrap. You know, as a joke.

–    When you Google “Susan Sarandon nude,” the very first thing listed is a clip of her not really cleaning a floor very well, and then sighing and smoking a joint. The clip is from the film Bull Durham, and the description for the video says that she’s a “sexy mature Susan Sarandon half nude smoking a roach.” The video plays in a loop and gets slowed down towards the end, I guess so you can watch close and try to see a nipple? I didn’t see one.

–    She was married to Chris Sarandon from 19671969. He played Prince Humperdinck in the movie The Princess Bride. I did not know that Susan Sarandon had been married to this man, but it makes sense because they have the same last name.

–    She was romantically partnered with Tim Robbins, (a man I definitely thought she was married to, or at least still with) from 19882009. I wonder why they broke up? I hope we find out.

–    She has a daughter named Eva Amurri who is hot as fire. You may remember Eva as being the girl in that movie Saved who said “My pussy is a hot pussy.” Eva’s Dad is Franco Amurri, whoever the hell that is. Side note: whatever you do, DO NOT Google the words “Saved my pussy is a hot pussy.” You won’t get a clip from the movie Saved.

–    If you Google “Susan Sarandon enjoying ice cream,” a thing from Perez Hilton comes up where she’s quoted as saying “I love ice cream.”

–    If you Google “Susan Sarandon pot,” a thing from Huffington Post comes up where she’s quoted as saying, “Everyone should be able to smoke pot.”

–    She has her own page of GIFS. Here are just a few choice ones:

 

 

–    Susan Sarandon in currently in a movie called Tammy which I have not seen, but will catch on Netflix when it’s on Netflix.

–    Her IMDB says she was in Twilight and at first I was like “SHE WAS NOT” but then I realized they were talking about a different movie called Twilight. She could have very easily been in THE Twilight though. Can you imagine? Her character’s name could have been Saran Wrap Cullen.

–    If I had to pick between Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon to be my best friend till I die, it would be really hard to choose, but I’d pick Susan. I saw Goldie Hawn walking by the big library in Manhattan one afternoon a long time ago, and she looked crazy. Aside from that though, I just think Susan would be more fun to get drinks with.

–    She was in a movie I cared a lot about when I was a goth teen, called The Hunger. I don’t remember much about it except for the fact that I think she got lesbo, and David Bowie was in it.

I mean, that’s about it. What more do you want from Susan Sarandon? I hope this comes up on her Google alerts and that it makes her like me. Hi. Susan, why did you and Tim Robbins break up anyway?

 

Visit Kelly at TotalBozo, and on tha Twitter

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Kelly McClure

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