10 Unique Ways to Exercise Like a Grown Person

by:   |   Oct 20 2014

Tired of being a slave to the gym? Feel like you’re going nowhere on that stationary bike? (Well, technically, you aren’t.) Fuck all that traditional “keep in shape” bullshit and sweat to your own beat! It’s time to think creatively like the weirdo grown person you are, so make your own rules, and stop letting society tell you how to get your heart rate up! Here are some fresh new ways of exercising that help you stay active while remaining the unique snowflake that you are.

peter-simon-commune-dancing-620x4131. Finally join that commune upstate, where you can participate in plenty of freakout dance circles.

Sauna suit2. Take sweating your ass off to the next level, with a sauna suit. Plus you can pull off that “I’m into sexual role-playing as a robot” look you’ve been wanting to try out.

screenshot-2012-03-02-at-11.24.133. Just go for it! Have the lady balls to wear a full-body, one-piece leotard (it’s almost like you’re naked!) and speak only in inspirational slogans from here on out. ( I hear being positive burns more calories?)

il_340x270.567111150_axi44. Or just wear this no-frills alarmist pin to remind you that you’re a one-night bender away from losing your youthful good health.

shapeimage_15. Find a buddy and stretch in an open field wearing only skimpy undies. It’s liberating, aerates your undercarriage, and it’s good for you.

3221820358_6bcd8f82246. Take up Jazzercise, or, in other words, act like you’ve become completely unhinged. Tattoo “LOOK GREAT, FEEL GREAT, HAVE FUN” on your ass as a reminder of your jazzy new lifestyle.

_WPDY-executive7. Take Executive Realness to the next level with Executive Yoga! There should be more people in midtown taking off their suits, laying down a prayer rug, and unblocking their chakras right on the sidewalk.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA8. Redefine “warrior princess” with a turtleneck that just won’t quit and some classic archery moves.

80's pink workout9. Cultivate a workout wardrobe that commits to a specific color palate, and incredibly unflattering silhouettes. This serves as the perfect distraction from actually working out, and cause bystanders to focus more on the hideous fashions you’re wearing.

vintage-yoga10. Or just say, “Fuck all this noise,” and lay in child’s pose, remembering that you are a precious jewel, no matter what.

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Creative Director of G.A.L.

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