Here’s the Shit We Really Want: GAL’s Holiday Wish List

by:   |   Dec 22 2014

We’re closing in on Christmas Day, so we wanted to make sure that you have the chance to get us the very special presents we so richly deserve. We know it’s a little last-minute, but we believe in your resourcefulness, so make it happen. Note: we do not accept excuses.

Here’s what the sensual women of GAL want under our shiny-silver tree this year.

1. HAIRY CHEST SWEATSHIRT: Do you ever feel like you could use a little hair on your chest? Enraged by the feeling that it’s a man’s world, and us ladies are just livin’ in it? That all can change with this Hairy Chest Sweater. Embrace your inner bear, and get the job done. We’d like two in size medium, please.

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2. TIME MACHINE: Doc Brown promised us that this shit would be worked out by now, and honestly, we’re feeling a little cheated. We have so many places to visit, including: being an extra in John Waters’ first film, rummaging through Carol Burnett’s wardrobe closet, and doing acid with Bowie. Tick tock, scientists!!

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3. A PICKLE PHONE: Don’t judge. Yes, the creep vibe of this phone is undeniable, and we don’t technically have a landline. But someone should still buy this for us. It’ll be the GAL Corporate phone, and we will conduct all our most serious business on it.

Pickle Phone

4. A standing monthly lunch date with RuPaul: Fuck therapy—Ru will guide us through this wicked world, explain exactly how tucking works, and how to have it all.

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5. A BUTT MUG: We need more “us time” in the new year. You know—that hour in the morning when you wake up filled with peace and clarity, pondering some deep thoughts about hot butts. We want to sip our morning coffee out of this shiny ass mug and meditate on the day ahead.

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6. INDOOR POOL & WATER SLIDE: Self-explanatory. We need this in order to truly feel alive.

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7. MARSHMALLOW SLEEPING BAG: As part of our New Year’s resolutions, we’d love to have more sleepovers. It just makes sense! There’s no reason to stumble your way to the subway when you could roll out your marshmallow sleeping bag on someone’s floor and impress everyone with your forward-planning and impeccable taste. “Soft ‘N’ Fresh” really says it all.

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8. GOLD LEAF ROLLING PAPERS: …and if you bust out your gold-leaf rolling papers at said sleepover, you have just officially crushed that shit and are an immediate legend.

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9. ONE NIGHT WITH CRY-BABY-ERA JOHNNY DEPP: What male or female on this planet doesn’t want this?  While we’re at it, let’s throw in Cry-Baby-era Traci Lords and really make it a night to remember.

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10. OUR 22-YEAR-OLD ASSES BACK: Yes, our asses totally looked like that at 22, and we def wore those shorts ALL the time. Don’t get us wrong, this shit still looks RUL tight, but we’re vain jerks and want to preserve our butt youth.

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Now get to shoppin’!

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  • Michelle DiBella

    It’s like you are mind readers and know all of my wants! I heart you GaL’s <3