“I’ve Gotta Take This”: Ladies on Landlines

by:   |   Feb 26 2015

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Attention to all of you who only know “Murder She Wrote” as an impeccable early-’90s dancehall song: get ready to be taken to school. My love of the original Murder She Wrote—the 1980s mystery series starring Angela Lansbury—comes from a place deep inside my soul where everything is lined with mauve carpeting, and all the bathrooms have swan-shaped hand soaps. Even with the plethora of episodic television available these days, nothing quite sets me at ease like an MSW episode. Who needs Paxil when you can lay in bed eating cottage cheese, watching Angela Lansbury in an endless array of paisley scarfs, solving ALL the murders?

After watching almost all 12 seasons—yes, I’m very dedicated to my craft—I started to pick up on some interesting recurring themes in the episodes. For starters, things for the amateur sleuth Jessica Fletcher ALWAYS worked out in the end. No matter how flimsy her detective work was, she always nabbed the suspect and forced them to confess. And whether they were spilling the beans to Jessica or just giving her a hot tip, the ladies on this show came correct with very done-up hair, and not some lazy-ass “bump-it” ‘dos. Also, watching a couple-hundred episodes of MSW made me realize that there’s a serious lack of dramatic collars in ladies’ fashion these days. What do we all have against an enormous face-frame, for the love ‘a Christ? Finally, watching all these eps brought me to the conclusion that people don’t poison each other enough anymore. It seems like a classy way to kill your lover, no?

Luckily for you guys, I have compulsive tendencies, so I started cataloguing all sorts of important visuals that I had to share. It’s almost as if the ghost of Cabot Cove possessed me and made me do it. My mission: to archive all the amazing-ness of MSW. My medium: a borderline-weird amount of screenshots.

For the first collection, we’ve got some sensuous, big-haired females on landlines. A lot of you younger folks probably don’t understand what life was like before cell phones, unless you were raised in an underground bunker by a doomsday cult that shunned technology. Landlines were pretty magical. First of all, if you were at a restaurant or a bar and someone needed to reach your mom or whoevs, they’d call the restaurant. The maitre d would come find her, and she’d have to excuse herself to take the call privately. She was just that important (aka a BOSS BITCH). Also, not having caller ID made life way more mysterious, and made stalking people so much easier. I used to call my crush in middle school every night (a few times a night), and then hang up. It was thrilling until his older brother figured out it was me somehow, got sick of it, and cornered me in the hall at school, threatening to kill me if I didn’t stop. See how much more exciting life was with landlines?! Plus, it was so satisfying to slam a receiver down on someone when your female rage kicked in.

Let’s take a minute to soak in these classy broads and their landline-ing. Yes let’s go ahead and make that an action verb. It deserves it.

MSW_landine MSW_landline MSW_landline1MSW_landline2 MSW_landline3 MSW_landline4 MSW_landline5 MSW_landline6MSW_landline7MSW_landline8MSW_landline10MSW_landline11MSW_landline12MSW_landline14MSW_landline15MSW_landline16MSW_landline17MSW_landline18MSW_lanline9Leave your message at the BEEEEEEP.

 

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Jenny

Jenny

Creative Director of G.A.L.
Jenny

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